From Left-Right Dolapo, gbemie.moyo.laide (the selfie taker), ife and bolu

On good friday I was at the Transforming church Gwarinpa Abuja where Pastor Sam Oye pastors, he had earlier come for my fellowship's (CLASFON) brothers day and he invited us for the Singles summit breakfast program he was hosting in his church on good Friday. 
Truthfully I wasnt sure I was going to, go , my reason was what else do I want to hear, growing up in church exposes you to all sorts of relationship talk, and they all ususally sound alike, the crux is always marry a child of God no pre-marital sex bla bla, so I was asking myself what will make this one any different from the rest. Well I did go and I am glad I did. 
I thought it will be nice to share, so much was talked about I will try my best to summarise it.

The program started with a wonderful worship session, which I really enjoyed.
The theme of the program was "DESTINY MISMATCH"

A cross section of people at the program
Photo credit: Transformersng 

The first session was by someone I really enjoyed (sadly i cant remember his name because I wasnt paying attention when he was introduced)  he spoke to us on FOUR KINDS OF MATES.
According to him there are over a hundred but he reduced them to four.

1) MIND MATES: This people can also be refferred to as conceptualizers, they are very intellectual in nature, and in their thinking, always about the books, or their job amd they want to be engaged on that level, they are usually not found idle. They are always gathering information and are mostly achievement driven. 

2) EMOTIONAL MATE: This people relate more with people from their heart, want to be held, talk about feelings, love. Usually what you will call mushy people or hopeless romantics. 

3)PLAYMATE: Very playful, naturally impulsive, adventorous, could be disorganised and very fun to be with, just wants to have fun, usually does not worry.

4) HELP MATE: As the name implies, they are very helpful, they want to assist, the kind of man that will wash plate or carry a lady's hand bag, the kind of woman that will give....that kind of stuff generally. 

The catch to all this types of mates is that you cannot be all of it, he said except you are God, because I am sure reading this you might see features of yourself in all the types.

According to him, you can be a mixture of two, but you can learn the other two.
For instance those two that you are a mixture of, you will be strongest in, but the other two will be weaker.

I feel I am a playmate, but weirdly I plan a lot of things, like how my day goes and the things I want to do, but in some areas I could be a scatter brain, and I could also be a help mate *wink wink* I also realised that I have a tendency to be a mind mate, but it is not my strongest point, not that I only want to play or have fun, but when I want to I could be intellectual, I just dont believe everything should be that serious. 
What kind of mate do you think you are?

He gave us an example of himself and his wife, who is a play.mate, while he is a mind mate. While he is always planning and worrying, his wife is just there smiling and telling him to calm down, that there is nothing to worry about.
The beauty of it is that he has learnt to play sometimes, and his wife has also learnt to meet him halfway and discuss with him on his intellectual stuff.

He said two same types of mates should not marry each other, for instance two mind mates marrying each other will lead to achievement competition and they will probabbly both die of worrying in the house.

It's important to know what type of mate you are, and what type that guy is, so you can know whether to move ahead, what to learn and what not to.

After this session, there was room for questions.

Then Pastor Sam Oye came on.

His text was taken from 2 corinthians 6:14, which we read in the message translation, the message really did justice to this verse of Scripture, I was like woow how deep.
2 corinthians 6:14-18
I had to highliht it in my e-Bible
He said a destiny connotes that there is a destination, or a journey, and you need a person to go on this journey with you, you cannot afford to pick the wrong person to be your partner in destiny.

As I mentioned earlier the theme of the program was DESTINY MISMATCH

Pastor Sam defined a mismatch as "The Coming together in marriage of two people whose passion and vision for life are uniquely different and opposed.

An  incompatible relationship between two unequal people which leads to secret frustration and public disgrace.

He gave us some visual examples of a mismatch like an eagle and a penguin. An eagle flies really high, in the sky while a penguin lives on the ground, obviously this two creatures cannot come together to become one.
Another example he gave was that of a frog and a fish, a fish cannot survive outside water, while a frog when the water becomes uncomfortable leaves the water to land. This kind of mate when things are good will stay, but as soon as a little discomfort sets in, he or she leaves.

Picture with some of my best girls, after the program
I think I nailed the unlooking pose


1) Someone that accuses, demeans and abuses you.

2) Any body who sees you as an option. This person cannot see you as his/her portion so please WALK OUT!!

3) Despises your dreams and vision

4)Someone who is unteachable and unwilling to learn or change

5) Someone who exalts tradition over scripture

6 ) Allows parents to control and take charge of the relationship, it's ok for parents to support, not sponsor.

7) Someone who isolates you from family and loved ones. This trait is common among abusive people, because when you are alone and have no one as a friend, you cant cry for help when going through abuse

8) Disconnects you from your mentor and pastor. E, g to this person your church is bad, everything you are being taught is rubbish, your pastor knows nothing etc.

9) Disregards those you respect

10) Encourages you to sin without remorse. For example there is nothing wrong in us having sex, we will ask for forgiveness later, God is merciful enough


1) Anyone who accepts you

2) Anyone who encourages you to change at your own pace

3) Someone who believes in you

4) Someone who celebrates you, celebration here connotes putting the persons needs and thoughts above yours. 

5) Someone who desires you, in this instance the feeling is mutual, not one sided, e.g someone who leaves all the calling and texting for you to do.
Please note this points are not the only determinant of a good relationship, ther are so many other factors involved.


This was one of the topics that came up for discussion during pastor Sam's discussion with us, he asked people in the audience to answer the question and share their experiences. There were a lot of interesting answers, and I love that people were open about this in church, because where else do you get solid godly advice on something this important.

You know yes you are supposed to filter what goes into your mind as a child of God, but what happens when you are watching a movie about war, and you didnt know that somewhere along the line the soldiers invaded a town where the women were all naked, and the soldiers had sex with them.

This is something that usually happens o, sometimes the scenes in this movie you never experred it, and before you can even fast forward anything, your eyes have seen, and later when you are alone what you saw that time, comes back and begins to arouse you. 

A lot of people gave their responses, someone said she decides to cook, e.g something like moinmoin, that takes time lol, someone said he writes lyrics, another person said she prays...lol a lot of people were yimuing and booing for this one.

I wanted to share mine o, but the microphone refused to come to me.
L-R Bayo, Laide, Ife, Moyo, Bolu, Gbemie and Yewande in front
(The world better watch out for us)
Pastor Sam spoke about channelling sexual energy into creativity, he said research has shown that a lot of geniuses have a high sexual drive but instead of just laying idle and satisfying yourself wrongly, do something creative.

There really is nothing wrong in feeling sexually aroused...well except you arent human, it's a thing that God himself put there, but what matters as someone said is not the errection but the direction in which the errection goes.

Then of course Pastor Sam said the ultimate thing to do is to ask God for help or grace, he knows you, more than you know your self, and he is your maker, who else knows how to deal with a creation better than the maker.
A little holyspirit please I need your help I am feeling some sort of way, I recieve grace and strength to pull through does a whole lot of good.

He ended with an alter call.
By saying the ultimate destiny match is the one you have with Jesus, if you aren't matched with him, you cant be matched up to his child, as God would not give his daughter or son out to someone who isn't his child also.
Pastor Sam prayed for us, our marital lives especially,  and for our families also.
The program was definitely a HIT!!! (Back to back lol) there were so many things we couldnt really talk about because of time, and he promied to have another program for singles.
I hope I am in Abuja when it happens, this was a relationship program with a difference and I definitely learnt from it.
God bless Pastor Sam Oye and the Transforming church

Did you learn anything from this post?, what type of mate are you? Do you feel it's wrong for a child of God to feel aroused? If you do how do you deal with it?
I cant wait to hear from you in the comment section.
x.o gbemieO



  1. I've thoroughly enjoyed this post Gbemie. God bless your mind and articulateness in sharing this.

    I'd say I'm a mix of a mind and play mate. lol. Wonder if that is combining two extremes in one person.

    I particularly like that the issue of being horny was raised... I'd have loved to have been there, especially to experience the inevitable yinmu the prayer fellow was subjected to. :D

    I quite agree that channelling the urges to creative involvements is a good way to rid oneself of untoward decisions and participations, afterall, we're all human liable to experience what God placed In us.

    Always a pleasure reading this blog. God bless you. Happy Easter.

    1. Hello ore
      Thank you so much for your kind compliments, coming from a writer I am really smiling hard.
      About the type of mate you are, lol it's definitely a unique combo, at least now you know and you know you shouldn't look for someone like you so as to avoid dating yourself, and about the yimuing lol everybody oo even me sef I laughed even though I know it was the truth, it was a wonderful experience.
      Thanks for stopping by, hope you are subscribed and didnt forget to tell a friend.

  2. I have been through your posts Gbeminiyi, they have been thought provoking, inspiring and positively challenging at the same time.
    God bless you dear.

    1. Hello Tobi
      Thank you so much for stopping by, thanks for the kind remarks, glory to God. And God bless you too. Dont forget to subscribe so you can get automatic e-mail updates. Looking forward to more comments from you

  3. Lol... Usually would scroll by, but I'm glad I read this. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Heyy rugbaa
      Awwn Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate.
      I am glad you are glad you read it.
      Dont forget to subscribe oo lookng forward to more of your comments

  4. The part that struck the most was the part about being creative and not idle, the prayer for help was really helpful! Sometimes we recognize our problems but we don't hv the solution to them! The post has given me a few things to try out! I'm glad these things are being said in church now, we don't have to go out n make mistakes to learn them!! Thanks for the post Gbemi! God bless you

  5. Thank you so much for this piece. Have listened to the old 'Destiny Mismatch',which is still a hit,but didn't know the new version,covering more grounds and addressing more issues,is also out,and in print(lol). Eagerly looking forward to more. More grace to you! #qdDOWNLOAD ‪#Quick‬Downloads™101

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  7. Wow. Just wow. Stumbled on your IG page and you looked oddly familiar!i had to subscribe. I like that this blog is chick, informative,godly, social and fun all together.

    1. hi kofo,
      i don't know for my face o, people always tell me i look familiar...maybe i have several dopplegangers lol
      thanks a lot for stopping by, for the compliments and for subscribing.i truly appreciate.
      I am soo sorry, I am just replying this, an oversight on my part.

  8. So for whatever reason I'm just reading your blog today and so far, I'm impressed. The layout is great and the content is bomb. This particular piece is special because I've seen a church I can visit. Thank you so much.

    1. hi dami,
      better late than never right?
      awwn thanks a lot this compliments are making me blush hard...and yes The Transforming place is definitely a church to visit, if you are in Abuja

  9. I am glad I stumbled on your blog Gbemi. I've been really inspired by this post. Thank you.