Hi everyone my name is Joel Joshua, and I would be sharing with you all 9 lessons I have learnt from being in a relationship. I think it's good for people to share personal experiences,because you never know who would learn from your experience and who might be blessed by it, i hope this post does much more for you.

Some months ago, I became friends with this amazing young lady, for purposes of this post I would call her O.O, after a few months of being friends I found she was unexpectedly the kind of woman I’ve always desired and even fantasized about. One night, I told her I liked her and deeply admired her person. She replied my statement with a barrage of questions: So why do you like me? Do you just like me? What is the point of your liking me? Do you just like me or have any plans? (she can ask questions for Africa) I replied her telling her the truth I knew God had put in my heart—“I like you and believe you are someone I can grow with and commit to.” After she got questions to her many answers, sought counsel and of course prayed she gave me a positive answer and we started our relationship. In our few months of dating, we have had so many experiences that look like we’ve been together for years. We’ve played, quarreled, prayed, had hopes dashed, secured victories and we’ve stayed together and grown stronger. So, these are 9 things I have learnt.

  • The mental picture we have of people could sometimes be misleading
 I thought O.O was not a very good Christian because she talked a lot and was kinda hip (one of our friends jokingly calls her a “thug”😀). I was sort of consumed with a holier than thou attitude. Today, God has even helped me reinvent and rediscover my prayer life through her. Usually, we humans create a faulty mental picture of people, not like we judge them but we perceive them to be what they are not. To get the best out of every relationship, come out of your shell. A friendship that takes you out of your comfort zone is not ungodly—only a friendship that takes you out of Christ is. To get the best of any friendship, be malleable to try the thrills and adventures of your friend. Try to discover and understand their world.
  • Prayer is underrated
If you must have a successful relationship where there is a long-term commitment to lead to marriage, you must pray—ain’t no other ways about it. The Bible says in Matthew 18:19 “When two of you get together on anything at all on earth and make a prayer of it, my Father in heaven goes into action.” In this relationship, God has repeatedly wowed us with answers to our prayers. In our place of prayer, our Spirits connect. Thinking alike and unity in Spirit becomes easier. Prayer is one of the ways we “consummate” marriage before the marriage. It grows intimacy rapidly.
  • Introverts are overrated
Really introverts (of which I am one) are overrated. People just feel we have a lot of stuff sorted out in our lives and that is why we walk around with such peace and tranquil. Well, it’s not totally wrong but introverts are susceptible to a lot of self-destructive habits. O.O is an extrovert and ordinarily you’ll think she’s disorganised and all but on a closer peep, she had the deepest and most important things in her life sorted out. She vents anger or annoyance a soon as it rises. I’m not like that but I’m learning to do this and it’s healthy for us.
Nevertheless, she said my calm and quiet personality was one of her I guess that's a score for my introvert self.
  • A Godly partner is a blessing any day, anytime

O.O has helped me in so many ways. She has turned my burdens into hers and sacrificed for me. I’m very sure I don’t know all the sacrifices she has made for me. It is not because she has everything; it is because she knows God and she lives by His word. The Bible sums up her kind of person time and again:

“The blessing of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrow with it.”—Proverbs 10:22 “He who finds a wife finds a great good; he has won the favor of Adonai.” Prov 18:22(CJB
  • Your partner should be your “Assistant Head, Strategist”
God is the “Chief Strategist” of your life but I love to look at my girlfriend and wife-to-be as my “Assistant Head, Strategy”. O.O has helped me plan and God has always given her uncommon wisdom to help me strategise in life. I’m career-driven and many times God has given her ideas that help me advance my career. Some of the strategies she gives me sometimes blows my head off and I’m like “Ah! Baby you’re sound o.”A woman (In my case) can help you plan something she knows nothing about if you just give her an introductory explanation of that thing. They have an uncommon grace for simplified and effective strategising.
  • Relationships take work and time and money
Yes they do. You must roll up your sleeves and work. Work to develop yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically (consider losing weight if your partner advises you to LOL), etc.

A relationship is also time consuming...very time consuming if i may add, but it's a sacrifice that is worth it, that is why it is important to date with purpose in mind and not just date randomly, else you would waste a lot of precious time on something that has no future

To sometimes have good times hanging out and the likes, you may need to spend good money too. It’s always wise to plan your expenses around your income and find economical ways to do fun stuff though an example is buying your food from Shoprite (which is usually cheaper than traditional eateries) and then hanging out in a park.

P.S :A Godly partner would not pressure you to spend more than you have in order to have fun
  • Sex is a non-essential; finding your partner’s love language is
When I think of O.O, I think of the times we spend talking and the pure joy it gives her. She loves company, not just dumb company but chatty company. Even though my jaws used to hurt in the first few months, I’ve gotten used to chatting with her for hours on sometimes endless, “conclusionless” issues. It’s what she loves—talking and I have no qualms with it because God has helped me give it to her. In relationships, we can pleasure our partners with their love language and IT IS NOT SEX. Every human has a prominent love language—discover your partner’s.
  • Honesty does not weaken; it strengthens
I’ve been honest with O.O about some ugly things I’ve done and still do sometimes and even though it’s not easy (since as men we are trained to be reserved), anytime I’ve opened up to O.O, I’ve never gotten a negative response. Sometimes I vent my anger over something and I find I am just making a mountain out of a molehill; other times I share with her my confusion and God gives her uncommon wisdom to help. Honesty never weakens a man, I believe it makes your woman to better appreciate your humanness.

So, these are nine things I’ve learnt from being in a relationship for quite a while and I hope to learn so much more. God gave me a Gift He calls O.O and I hope to have many more happy years with her pre-maritally and maritally.
Was this post in any way helpful?
If you have any lessons you have learnt from being in a relationship, or from watching people in a relationship, please share in the comment section.
I would love to hear from you.
God bless us all



  1. Gbems, Gbems.
    This is a lovely post. I was able to grab new lessons and insight from it.
    Forgive my ameboness, but is this our boo?

    1. Hey quinn
      Thank God you were able to grab lessons oo...btw our boo ke?? I didnt know we had a boo in common oo lol

  2. LMAO!! I have been friends with o.o for a while. I didn't even know she was hip. Waaaawu. Hip Hop hurray

  3. It is a wonderful article,bro. Well done

  4. Very inspiring, i learnt many new things, thanks for the post

    1. you are welcome molade,good to hear you learnt from this
      it's so nice to have you here.
      please subscribe if you aren't

  5. First of all: awwwwwwwwwwwwww.
    Secondly: really lovely post! I love that we have people in this generation who still believe that Christ should be the centre of literally everything 😊

    1. yaaaay winnie
      if we don't have christ at the centre, then the centre cannot hold na abii.
      so nice to read from you
      don't forget to subscribe. x.o

  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. hi dear
      glory and thanks to God, glad to be an extension of God's love
      it's my prayer that his love continually washes over you, daily in Jesus name

  7. I am really wondering why I am just reading this.

    This is lovely. Methinks that the point about SEX not being a love language is important. God makes a relationship sweet, and if He is not there, SEX will leave us miserable. Miserable, fearful and scarred.

    Thanks Joel. Thanks O.O.

    1. hi seyi,
      awwwn better late than never.
      Thank you so much for stopping by.
      Don't forget to subscribe if you aren't

  8. Lovely piece Joel,God bless you and thanks for sharing, Gbemi. I read from start to end, thinking,so so true.I also got to learn a couple of new things. Thank you,thank you.

  9. This is a very helpful post. Thanks for sharing!

    I just came across yor blog today and I'm hooked!

  10. A great post full with lesson to learn.